Sometimes those roles are best described by their titles: father, mother, brother, son, friend, colleague, boss, ditch digger, etc.  Other times they are described by their qualities, and often these are assigned some sort of name as a way to differentiate them, either in a classical way, like the King, the Fool, the Wise One, etc., or perhaps following some system, like the Myers Briggs Personality labels, (INFP, for example).

Classic literature is yet another way to define roles, to use characters to describe and define a role or a part of life that we each will play out at some point in life. There are many great examples for this, and today I’m choosing those characters that reside in the 100 Acre Wood: Winnie-the-Pooh and friends.

In particular, I want to point out the character of Roo, Kanga’s young joey. He is playful and full of spirit. As the youngest character he also is able to get away with doing and saying things that the older ones can’t – or at least the older ones don’t give themselves permission to do or say. And that’s what I want to point out: giving ourselves permission to say or do something that our older self wouldn’t. A psychologist may describe this role as our “young-one” versus our “adult-one”. When was the last time you allowed your young self to be expressed, to say or do something that you otherwise wouldn’t?

This role of Roo should be embraced by everyone at least once per day. It doesn’t have to be a beg thing that will define your life. It can be small and unobtrusive. In my experience, the more you do it, the easier it will be to do.

One example that came to my mind this morning is to ask a question of someone about something you don’t know. As the young one, it’s easy to “allow” Roo to ask a question because he’s young – how could he possibly know? As an adult, perhaps we think we should already know the answer, and to ask is admitting that I don’t know, and I might then appear to be foolish or unintelligent, or any number of other roles. But, those other roles don’t apply to Roo – he’s simply young and asking a question: “where does honey come from?”, or “what makes the kite fly?”.

As an adult, we perhaps think that we should know these things already, so we won’t ask the questions. If we instead embrace our own inner Roo and allow ourselves to ask a question, at least once each day, then in the end we will have more answers to things then when we started. We will be role-modeling to others how to get answers, and break down barriers to allow all of us to let out our Roo.

Once he’s out, then it becomes easier and easier to do other Roo-like things, like play games and have fun (like Pooh sticks!). And don’t we all want to have more fun?

Blessings,
Jim

A big part of the journey this team took was to play the role of underdog for the last few months of the season and especially during the playoffs. In late July they were in fourth place and not considered serious contenders. They were the last team to clinch the division, on the last day of the regular season no less. They were expected to loose to the Atlanta Braves in the division series. They were expected to curl up and lay down to the Philadelphia Phillies in the championship series. They were supposed to yield to the Texas Rangers in the World Series.

All of these “supposed-to’s” were proclaimed by the national writers and commentators (which often as not are comprised of former players and managers). They touted all of the statistics that showed the Giants were only mediocre. Sure, they have good pitchers, but their defense was lacking, staffed by older and unheralded bit players. They espoused the superstars of the other teams, especially the unhittable pitchers of the Braves, Phillies, and Rangers. They ogled at the feats of offense that the opposing batters have, their apparent hitting prowess unequaled and as yet unquenched. The Giants might as well have taken up the call of Rodney Dangerfield: “I get no respect”.

So, if all of these experts were to be believed, the Giants had no business winning. They had no business being anywhere near the playoffs. Why? My theory is that it all can be attributed to the fascination and popularity of the fantasy leagues, the games that people play whereby statistics determine and define who is good and who is not. Consequently, the more good players (as defined by the rules of fantasy baseball) that a particular team has, the better the team, and the Braves, Phillies, and Rangers had lots of “good” players, and the Giants had few if any. Ah, but things are not always what they appear to be.

The Giants finished the season with the second best record in the National League. Their starting pitchers, as a group, had nearly the best (depending on how one defines “best”, it could be argued they had the best) year of any group in many years. Their relief pitchers had been lights-out the best in their field (pun intended?) for the past two months of the season. The defense made the plays when it needed to, and the offense came through when it mattered, if not a bit inconsistently.

Most importantly of all, this group of players and coaches had belief in themselves. They took each moment for what it was: a moment. Each game was just one game, not a season-defining game. They knew that each loss could be recouped with a win tomorrow. Each win was one step closer, and that a team could only get closer by going one step at a time. That is, you don’t win a championship by winning one game, nor do you lose it with just one game. They faced adversity time and time again, and more often than not (in fact, much more often than not), they finished those tortuous moments with a happy ending.

All of those things, those beliefs, emanated from experience, from leaders who spoke, from each individual who knew their role and played it to the best of their ability without any excuses. Individually, they each knew what to do and successfully did it; collectively, what they did lead to what only a few knew was inevitable: ultimate success.  This is the perfect example of synergy: where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts; where the lack of superstars and super statistics don’t mean anything. So, they hit and scored runs against the opposing pitchers were supposed to unhittable, and they stopped cold the opposing batters who were supposedly unstoppable, and they won and won and won.

And, all of this makes for a perfect life lesson, a perfect example for any life coach to use for a client lacking in belief and certitude. Learn to trust in your ability, believe in your ability, create a plan for success, and then go out and do it.

Enjoy your day, and remember that today does not define your life, tomorrow is not yet here, and yesterday has already occurred.

Blessings,
Jim

I have been looking for work outside of our coaching practice to help offset the hit our company took financially when the economy went south.  Yet all the promising opportunities I have pursued have failed to materialize into solid work.  In the face of so much rejection my mind wants to ask: “What’s wrong with me?  Why doesn’t anyone want what I have to offer?”

It is bewildering to have people acknowledge my talent and ability while telling me they have no use for my services.  They smile and say “thanks but no thanks” as they politely close the door.  With each rejection I feel the path I am traveling narrow as the options before me become fewer and few.  Yet deep within a quiet voice is telling me to keep looking for the open door.

It is so easy to feel like the world has forgotten me, like the level of success I once knew will never be realized again.  But my soul intuition tells me this is not so.  It dawned on me the other day that all the rejections I have been facing are coming as a gift to help me stay on course.  Every “No”, every closed door, is clearing the way for what is trying to unfold.

I want to be guided to the one right door that will lead me back to financial stability.  I want to be shown the direct path to success, but perhaps the road I’m traveling is meant to lead me through lots of little doors, each with humble offerings to help me along the way.

Recently I met with a group of colleagues to bow out of a Business Association I helped build.  I let them know how much I valued my involvement with the group and said it was hard for me to say good-bye but explained that I just couldn’t afford it anymore.  Their response to my news was to immediately begin brainstorming ways in which I could continue my membership.  Two of my associates with tears in their eyes said they would pay my dues and told me the contributions I had made to the group were too great to let me go.  Others in the circle offered additional support and ideas for making it work.  Before I knew it, they had collectively brainstormed a way in which I could stay.  I was humbled and awed.  In a follow up note I let them know how much I appreciated their loving support and said that while my bank account may not be full my heart is overflowing.

These are the blessings – the open doors – my heart is guiding me to look for. But in order to find them I have to let go of what isn’t working and keep moving forward toward what is.  When I am able to do this I discover all the beauty that is present in my life at this moment and find the courage I need to keep walking forward - with a hopeful heart - toward the doors that are calling me.

May you see all the blessings in your life this day and feel connected to the spirit of grace that is guiding your way.

Blessings to you on your journey - Heidi

Inherent in the concept of “trying” is the message of great effort.  Trying implies pushing ourselves toward an objective we don’t feel ready or capable to pursue.  No matter what we set our sights on, the moment we tell ourselves (or others) that we are trying to get it done, we attach struggle and difficulty to our cause.

The non- doing of trying reinforces a sense of failure and strengthens the belief that what we want to achieve is unattainable. This is not a good message to send.  It is far better for our self-esteem and the development of willpower to face the truth of what we are ready to do and choose this without apology.

For example:  If you are not ready to take action and own this fact, the path ahead will remain open and clear.  Then when you are ready to pursue your goal it will feel easy for you to do so.  If on the other hand, you decide to “try” to get something done when you are not up to the task – you will find yourself lost in the struggle of realizing your objective and never understand why your goal eludes you.

It takes a lot of courage and self acceptance to admit that you are choosing not to act, especially when it concerns something you acknowledge is very important to you (health, relationships, career…).  It might feel wrong at first to choose non-action, but ultimately this choice is far more empowering and strengthening to your self-confidence, then “trying” to get something done.

When you are pursuing a goal and discover a roadblock – don’t keep trying!  Stop.  Allow the spaciousness of non-action to bring you the insight and clarity you need. Once you understand your difficulty in realizing your goal you can take action to address it.

If for example you no longer feel inspired, you may consider seeking help getting motivated again.  If you have plenty of motivation but find it difficult to follow through, perhaps a little external support (i.e. checking in once a week with a good friend to report on your progress) may be enough to help you stay on track. The point is - whatever you need – it’s in your best interest to acknowledge it and choose it.  This is what Wayne Dyer reminded me of today, and what I offer to you.

The next time you feel daunted by a task or goal that looms out in front of you, avoid telling yourself or others that you will try to get it done.  Instead make an honest decision that speaks to your needs at this time and enjoy the benefits your clear choice provides.

Blessings - Heidi

As a business coach, my ears perk up when I hear the term “spin” … even if there’s not a negative quality to an implication. What gets my attention is that the person or organization is not standing firm in their values. Without that, the sense of satisfaction and success will likely be much less - they’re leaving success on the table.

I’m going to stand on my soap box to say this again and again: when we understand what our values are, and strive to manifest them in our daily life, we will feel satisfied, fulfilled, and successful. Yes, the bank account is important too, but that is usually not satisfying.

The hard part is knowing what your values are and what they mean.  At Dare To Dream we utilize a unique method to discover values: look to your conflicts. If a value is being trespassed against, then there is a conflict. If you have a core value that is not finding expression, then you may feel it as an internal conflict.

After discovering what the value is, the next step is to define it. We then go a a few steps further and ask our coaching clients to create a list of demonstrations for each value, and a list of benefits when a value is demonstrated.

My sense of an organization that is creating spin is that whatever the topic is does not hold a possible demonstration of a value, therefore, they can create one. My personal value of truth and integrity would hope that either a topic has a demonstration of a value, or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, then don’t publicize it, and don’t expend a lot of resources on it. If it does have a demonstration of a value, then it will be resourcing - giving you resources.

So, look to your values before you begin to publicize something newsworthy. And if you find someone else “spinning”, look to what values of your own that may be getting trespassed against.

Blessings,
Jim

In my last update (Graduation Day at Dare To Dream), Dare To Dream took on a slightly different look. One month later, it took on a greatly different look.

One of the steps of our Visioning Program involves the use of listening on three levels: mind, heart, and soul. Our philosophy is to utilize all three; none is more or less important than another. What is important is to be aware, to be conscious of what is happening and set ourselves up to respond rather than to react. What Heidi and I heard, very clearly, was that it was time to let go of our coaching studio in downtown Sebastopol.

In one sense this was a very traumatic event. We had been there for seven years. It was beautiful and comfortable. Almost every person who entered felt the great energy of the space. It was our home-away-from-home, and sometimes it even substituted for a home (as in using the space like a living room). But in another sense, the event was easy. The message was loud and clear to both of us. We were ready to “move on”. We had ideas as to how to continue coaching and keep DTD going without a specific space. We were ready, willing, and able to go with the flow.

As I write this, our website has still not yet been updated (working on that). So, it still shows our address in downtown Sebastopol; there are still pictures and directions and all of those kinds of things.

But we’re not there. We’re “here”, and here is where Dare To Dream continues to unfold and evolve. We’re on the road, sub-leasing space on an as-needed basis; we’re in your home, a comfortable place to explore; we’re on the phone connecting over the wires to distant lands. All of these places and mediums for coaching are not new to us. We continue to see many clients (you know who you are) in Sonoma County. You can continue to read about us here, and contact us with the same phone number and email.

The freedom of not having the financial overhead has been a relief, as weights have been taken off of our backs. With that freedom, we’re back to coaching with all of our tools: our model, The Art of Living Soulfully, and our deep listening and intuition to guide us. So with sadness we say goodbye to Wilton Ave., to our neighbors, especially Kashi and the Devi Yoga Center, and to the close of a chapter. And with a renewed sense of adventure, we continue; we start a new chapter, we allow the different look, and Dare To Dream remains, and will remain, an ongoing coaching business; because that’s what we’re hearing, and we’re going with that flow.

Dare To Dream Coaching Studio on Graduation Day

Blessings,
Jim

As I reflect on this auspicious event I realize that we each go through graduations all the time. If we were able to take that 40,000 foot view of the path of life, we would see events not as destinations, but rather as points along the way – mile markers denoting something. Sometimes those markers show us the completion of an event, sometimes the beginning of one; sometimes those markers reflect an internal shift of some sort that allows us to move in a different direction, or possibly in a different way. For example, it could be a shift where our self confidence suddenly takes off.

Coaching is a method to get to a marker in life. It isn’t a destination; it doesn’t get us to the ultimate destination, even though it may help us identify that ultimate destination. What coaching can do is give us the tools to continue to one of those markers; it can help us identify what some of those “future” or potential markers are; it can help us with internal shifts, like self esteem.

In this way, Dare To Dream and our three Associates have each reached a marker in this path of life. That marker is different for each of us, as it should be since we each have a different life path. While we will remain connected with each other as each of those three go out on their own, we celebrate the success of reaching this marker. We celebrate this graduation.

And we continue our journey. Stay tuned…

Blessings,
Jim

]]> http://daretodreamvisioning.com/?feed=rss2&p=155 http://daretodreamvisioning.com/?p=87 http://daretodreamvisioning.com/?p=87#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:40:37 +0000 Marjorie http://daretodreamvisioning.com/?p=87 Whether or not you welcome the holidays, the extra stress of this time can be crazy-making, indeed tailor-made to defocus us with deadlines, entertaining, shopping, traffic . . . need I say more?  It need not be that way though, if we remember to check in with ourselves, focus, and be present for the gifts of the moment as they come our way. Although this is easier said than done, there are several sanity-preserving tools that can easily be employed, no matter where you are.

The other day I found myself stuck in stop-and-go traffic on the highway.  Suddenly I noticed that I had so much anxiety that I was gripping the steering wheel for all that it was worth.  I felt that I just had to be ready to jump into a faster lane, or avoid an accident, at any moment.  I was so focused on what might happen, I lost touch with being in “the now.”

My poor sympathetic nervous system was actually so taxed, I was holding my muscles tight enough to create pain.  Not only that, I also actually was unaware of the beauty that was happening directly in front, behind, and to the sides of me, even on the highway.

Fortunately, I caught myself and remembered that I did not have to live in that state of hyper-focus.  I used Hook-ups™, one of the BrainGym™ tools that I teach, to escape the fight-or-flight state of being. I relaxed into an acceptance of knowing that eventually we would start moving again and, in the meantime, it wouldn’t do any good to be anxious or angry about a situation over which I had no control.

My nervous system relaxed, I loosened my grip and settled in to the present moment.  This allowed me to avoid the backlash of creating soreness and pain in my muscles later on, and gave me the chance to look around at the scenery that I often take no notice of.

I noticed beautiful vineyards that were vibrantly changing colors, Canadian geese traversing the sky overhead, and a spectacular sunset in the making. Now that is what I call the gifts of the season!  And they were free!

Tip of the Month:

To soothe anxiety, try doing Hook-ups™.  There are two parts to this simple technique:

1) Cross your ankles and cross arms in front of your chest, so that each hand is touching the opposite shoulder lightly.  No brownie points for doing this as hard as you can.  Hold these acupressure points as you touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.

2) Place your feet flat on the floor, really connecting with the sensation of the soles in your shoes.  Place your fingertips gently together as if you were holding an invisible ball. Touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Now hold these points and breathe deeply.

The process of Hook-ups™ actually uses both parts, sequentially. Depending on your situation, you may choose to do one or both. If you are stuck in the midst of traffic, as I was, you can just do part two.

Hold the points until you feel the breath ease and your anxiety calm down. The sympathetic nervous system will relax, allowing you to have a different experience with whatever is truly happening in the moment.

Stay tuned for upcoming tips and tools that can profoundly change the experience of being present in the beautiful world that we live in, even when dealing with chaos.

Wishing you the best the season has to offer,

• Have fun! Gift Wrapping is a wonderful way to express your creativity.
• Set the mood with music - relaxing or upbeat, meditative or playful.
• Spreading the materials out can inspire you and get the creative juices flowing.

Tips:

• Match paper and ribbon.  Look For subtle background colors on the paper that can be high lighted by using the same color ribbon.
• Consider using contrasting colors that look good to your eye.
• Pay attention to inside - once the package is open - how will it look inside?
• Matching the color of tissue to the gift-wrap can highlight the gift inside.  Even a simple gift that is beautifully wrapped feels like a treasure.
• When wrapping a box (or anything with sharp edges) it is a good idea to wrap the box with tissue first.  This will protect the wrapping paper from tearing and you can use the tissue to continue a theme.  For example, angel tissue paper with angel wrapping paper.  Or, colored tissue that brings out a color used with the wrapping paper.
• When using metallic paper, consider hiding the tape by rolling it and making it double sided (or used double sided tape).  Satin finish tape is best.
• Mix your media.  For example, if wrapping several gifts for a household, consider wrapping some in tissue or using gift bags or tins to add variety.
• Sticking with a color or texture theme can also be very attractive, i.e., jewel toned metallic paper with elegant ribbon in several shades looks beautiful resting together under a tree.

Money Saving Ideas:

• Use the Christmas or Holiday decorated paper and gift bags from the department stores for wrapping paper. Often department stores and other shops have decorated bags to put your packages in.  Some are very nice and can be great for wrapping gifts.
• If the store offers complimentary gift-wrap ask for the paper and ribbon and tissue so that you can wrap it creatively at home.  You can do this even if the item you purchased is not something you intend to wrap.  You may choose to use the materials for something else.  As a customer you are entitled to the service and it is your choice how you want to use it.
• There are many playful ways to wrap gifts that are unusual and fun to receive.  People enjoy gifts that have been creatively wrapped, e.g., a brown paper bag turned inside out; textured ribbon; colored with crayons…
• Eco choices: pine branches; dried flowers and berries, raffia ribbon, recycled materials…
• Save beautiful ribbon and special paper from gifts you have received, white tissue that comes with clothing, etc.  Gently crumpled white tissue can become attractive filler for a deep box, especially when combined with shredded paper filler or other colored paper.
• Add some pizazz to shredded paper by adding some curled ribbon.
• Purchase holiday materials on sale.  Elegant ribbon, tissue, and paper are often reasonably priced after the holidays are over.  Limit yourself to a few nice items that won’t take up a lot of room.

Happy Holidays, and Blessings to all

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