Hello Great Souls,

It’s currently that midpoint between Christmas and New Year’s, where it feels like we’re past the holidays, yet we’re not.  I’ve been feeling the need to post an entry to our blog for the past few days, but had not felt an appropriate message to write. At fist, it seemed like the right thing to post something about Christmas spirit, about the light that we can each see and feel in each other, or something to that effect. But the words never came, and the inspiration was never felt.

Then, a thought struck me: perhaps I’m trying to force this a bit too much with a lofty goal and message. This Christmas entry doesn’t have to be a deeply moving message, nor does it have to be one that is a “supposed to” - in fact, we often talk to our clients about what the “supposed to” really means…but that’s another topic. No, this message is going to be much simpler: the power of simple.

Each year my family gathers for Christmas. I’m the second of five siblings, with an older brother, younger brother, and two younger sisters. My one sister Rosemary has two kids, currently 9 and 12, and she has been hosting Christmas lately so that Santa Claus can more easily find the kids at home rather than at Grandma and Grandpa’s. My younger brother and his family currently live out of state, so they often don’t get a chance to join, but the rest of us gather for the day and sometimes for Christmas Eve dinner at my other sisters’ home nearby.

Over the years, we siblings have gone back and forth between exchanging gifts amongst each other, drawing a name, drawing two names, etc.  Most years, we exchange amongst everyone, including this year.  During this aspect of the holidays, Heidi and I often like to use a theme for these gifts to my family. It started when we were living far away and had to send gifts in the mail. It served two purposes: it kept us connected more easily to the family as a whole rather than individuals, and it made shopping easier; there’s also an added bonus of the chance to get creative around a theme.  Last year, the theme was homemade banana bread and a CD of guided visualizations and spiritual chanting that we made. This year, the theme was poetry.

The particular theme struck me one day while meditating, and I felt energy for it as I started getting creative. So, Heidi and I planted ourselves in a local bookstore that we enjoy, and started picking out poetry books for particular people. Most of the books I picked out, which felt appropriate since it was my idea, and my family.

For some, we picked out a favorite poet: Rumi, Hafiz, Elizabeth Bishop, Mary Oliver, etc. (note: perhaps our top favorite is David Whyte, but at this particular store, they had none of his books). For others, there was something that drew us to a book of collected poems, perhaps because of the subject matter (the Humorous Haiku for my older brother was perfect) or even a particular poem in the collection.  For the younger nieces and nephew we had to get a bit more creative: a scrapbook where they could write if they choose, or a fictional book that’s not really poetry, but is still reading.

Poetry has held a lot of meaning for us - we often use it in our coaching, quoting specific poems and interpreting messages from them. I once heard Maya Angelou (another favorite) talk about her process: start with articulating a story, and keep distilling the message and meaning until a short poem emerges. While it looks and sounds simple here, it takes a creative genius to communicate that message eloquently.

Mary Oliver, for me, is one of those geniuses who can paint a complete and intentional picture, with layers of hidden meanings in the interpreting: while the verse may be short, the impact can be great. That’s the beauty of poetry that I like: keep it short and simple, and let the reader or listener feel into the layers. Just knowing that the piece is a poem will intrinsically instruct the audience to listen for layers. But, if the poem gets too long and complex, those layers can get lost. Therefore, keep it simple.

Of course, there are exceptions to that rule where the complication is part of the message and layering. Two classics that come to mind are Homer with the Iliad, and Beowulf (which, coincidentally, was one of the gifts we gave, to our 22 year old nephew).  But more often than not, the “rule” of keep it simple and let the audience decipher the nuances is one that works well for the poet.  It also works well for the coach and the client.

The great lessons in life are best learned in simple form, and then we can relearn them over and over in multiple applications and settings. This is part of our philosophy in coaching, and certainly is part of my philosophy in living life.

My hope this holiday time of year is that you find the simple message that is yearning to be heard, and then keep listening for the layers within that message.

Blessings and Light,
Jim

Hello Great Souls,

I was up late last night watching a football game: the San Francisco 49ers against the St. Louis Rams. I’ve been a lifelong 49er fan having grown up in the bay area, in a house that my parents apparently bought from John Brodie, the great 49er Quarterback of that era. We had a busy day with Sunday Service and a family holiday gathering, so I had taped it to watch later, hoping that I wouldn’t hear about the game so that it could be watched without any prior knowledge of what was about to happen. Somehow, I never heard a peep about the game, even after being in a room with many other 49er fans who probably watched the game or at least knew of the outcome. So, I sat down at 9:30 PM to start watching.

This season has largely been a disappointment for the 49ers, but they have also been, at times, an exciting team to watch. I have to admit that much of that excitement is because I want them to do well more so than they were actually doing well. Almost half way through the season, the head coach was fired, and in interim one was appointed (never a good sign), who fairly quickly benched the starting Quarterback (also not a good sign), and there were many other details that I’d just as soon forget.

The game last night was not an important game as far as the standings or the playoffs: both teams were simply playing for pride and the pure competition. In most ways, the Rams were having an even worse year, so the 49ers were favored to win, even though the game was taking place in St. Louis (playing at home is always an advantage).

For the first three quarters of the game, the 49ers looked bad. They could not move the ball on offense, and their defense was at times OK, and at times less than that. It appeared that the interim head coach was about to bench the Quarterback in favor of the backup, the one who had been benched earlier in the season. But, with only a few minutes to play, with the Rams ahead by a score of 16-3, out came the starter again.

What transpired was something that was the complete and total opposite of what had been happening for the prior 50 minutes (there are 60 minutes in a game). Suddenly, the offense was moving easily and efficiently. Suddenly, the Quarterback was a different person: able to control; able to respond rather than react to everything around him. The 49ers marched down the field and scored a touchdown, something that had not happened all game.

Then, with the score 16-10, the 49er defense played great, held the Rams and forced them to kick the ball after only three plays. This meant that the 49ers would get the ball again with a few minutes to play, but have a long way to go to score another touchdown. And they did just that, scoring on a long pass, something that the Quarterback had difficulty doing all game. Suddenly, the 49ers were leading 17-16, with a little over a minute left to play.

But the game wasn’t over - the Rams now had a chance to take the ball and try to kick a long field goal to win the game. The 49er defense would have to hold them. They did, effectively ending the game with an interception.

It was all very dramatic, exciting and unexpected for fans like me who had almost given up on the game. Because I had started watching the game so late, I was very tempted to turn it off and get some sleep. But I stuck with it, knowing that the score was not insurmountable, and always holding out hope. This is not always a conscious thought-out mental process - it is something that, especially related to sports, I know to be true. What I continue to learn is that it is also true in life.

Then, this morning, I realized that this all represented a coaching moment, a role modeling experience for everyone who is trying to transform some part of their life: never give up, keep trying, because it’s not over until it’s over. And if you believe in reincarnation, it’s never over.

I often like to look to sports and athletes as role models for what is possible in life for the rest of us. It’s not about becoming a professional athlete. It is about becoming what I think is possible, believing in myself, and to set and achieve goals over the long term. It’s about the experience of transforming from a contractive state to one where I am open to possibilities and potential, and to keep working “it”, whatever “it” is.  This is what I love to witness and be a part of, and am blessed by all of you great souls who are working it to live your life how you want to.

Go Niners!

Blessings,
Jim

Relationships are mysterious.  Each one reflects the complexity of our humanity and the vast nature of our soul. In his book “Soul Mates” Thomas Moore says that our soul has its own reasons for entering relationships and that often we are not aware of this purpose when we enter them.

Viewing relationships from the perspective of soul allows you to open to the Divine mystery inherent in your connections in life and listen for the opportunities these relationships provide. Sometimes you meet someone and feel certain they have come into your life for a reason, while other times your connections may make no sense at all.  You wonder why you have certain friends, ended up in your family, or landed in a particular community. 

Is it possible that your soul chose these relationships on purpose for the lessons they provide?  If you look at relationships on the surface level it is tempting to evaluate them based on how easy or difficult they are and designate them as good or bad accordingly.  If they unfold as you want them to with relative ease they are judged as good and if they present challenges, heartache and end poorly or drag on for eternity you deem them as bad.

Your soul however does not view relationships from this perspective.  The soul is not concerned with life being easy - the soul’s interest lies in experience.  How long a particular connection is sustained or bumpy the journey through partnership may be, is less important to your soul than how you embrace the experience your relationships provide and allow your heart and mind to be shaped by them. 

Your connections with others will draw you out of your self and invite you in unexpected ways to enter life more fully.  Sometimes through grief, sometimes through joy, relationships knock on the door of your heart and ask you to open up.  They stir passions, awaken desires, reveal strengths, highlight limitations and continually urge you to explore the unknown depths within. 

Sometimes the invitation in relationship is a push from your soul to be known.  Those connections in life that challenge you very often provide experiences for illuminating your deepest values and beliefs.  Backed into a corner you may respond assertively and through this action understand yourself more fully than you had before. 

When you have been trespassed against you know instantly what your boundaries are.  How you respond to this knowledge depends on many factors – how skillfully you enter conflict, what sense you have of your self worth, and what the circumstances you are in will allow.  But whatever your response may be, the conflict of boundaries offers you an opportunity to see yourself more clearly and invites you to be known.

Being seen in the world, allowing others to know who you are, requires vulnerability.  It takes a strong sense of self worth to open yourself to the possibility of love and the potential pain of rejection.

Those of us who were denied deposits of love and appreciation while growing up, or had our self worth stripped away in destructive relationships, tend to guard ourselves defensively against the possibility of future injury.  Life is lived behind a castle of self protection guarded by deep motes, thorny bramble, and expertly trained snipers stationed at the ready upon our castle walls.  Only the bravest of the brave would dare attempt to find a way in - leaving us “safe” from attack and deeply lonely longing for human connection and support.

It only takes one terrible experience of someone trying to rob your goodness to make the decision to live your life hidden from future harm.  After such an experience, it is natural to want to fiercely protect yourself from injury (this is a sign after all of self worth).  Unfortunately the castle approach is one of over-protection and will keep you from connecting with other loving souls, and deny you the rich blessings these relationships offer.

Many self help strategies focus on perfecting the castle of self defense, teaching you how to keep those who would hurt you out of your life.  This of course is good; the only problem is they often don’t tell you how to open the castle gate for those worthy of entrance when you want to let them in. 

Self love and discernment - an ability to stand in your own value and clearly identify those who are capable of loving you and celebrating the gifts you have to offer the world, are the keys needed to unlock the castle door and make room for the love you long for and deserve.

The “Guidelines of Soulful Communication” and the Circles of Intimacy Diagram are ideal tools for cultivating loving, supportive relationships in life.  They provide a process for establishing a safe harbor in your interactions with others which allows space for differences and offers guidelines for skillfully navigating conflict with an open heart. 

You begin with understanding your own perspective - clarifying what you think and feel, want and need, and then turn your attention to focus on the thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs of others.  By holding the attitude that you or others are not wrong for whatever you may think, feel, want or need, you are able to safely explore each view point and find solutions that attend to your deepest needs.

Deep within each of us is a desire to be seen and understood – valued for who we are and appreciated for the gifts we bring; utilizing soulful communication and the circles of intimacy paves the way for this experience and provides the tools for connecting with the soul’s of all those we are in relationship with.

One thing we want to include as part of our web site are little helpful tips. Some of these may apply directly to coaching, some more to business, and some to living life in general.

Today’s tip comes at the suggestion of Chris Stoll, our talented website designer, after I had told him about this method to try to get clients to pay their invoices. It something that I learned way-back, when I thought I wanted to be an accountant. When you send an invoice to a client, offer them “terms” for payment. Perhaps you’ve seen or heard something like “2% 10 net 30″ and wondered what it means?  It means if you pay the invoice within 10 days, you can take a 2% discount. It’s a method to incentivize clients to pay.

Since some clients don’t have the cash flow to pay that quickly, it’s also helpful to tell them when you expect payment. That’s what the “net 30″ means: payment is due in 30 days … “or else!”.  If you have a large amount of open receivables at the end of each month, but they tend to eventually get paid, consider this method to incentivize clients to pay sooner - the loss of 2% may be worth having the cash.  If you have open receivables that tend not to get paid, consider “selling” those to a collection agency. You may only get a fraction of the invoice amount, but it’s better than nothing, and you can likely write off the difference for tax purposes.

Have a great day! Blessings,
Jim